keep swimming.

I was meant to be in a hot, hot, hot, waterfront city. And I mean HOT. Not 24 degrees but 35 to 45 degrees. Pass out hot. Dry and hot. Or waterfront hot. Where clothing is minimal and wearing a bra is a forgotten habit. Walking about in a bikini top all day, every day. I was not meant to be in this place! Heat, golden skin, sweat dripping places. Forget layers or jackets. I want skin!

Nicaragua, Brazil, hell, California. I really need to work on getting my jeep. Sell my soul for a Rubi. Just me, the boys and a Rubi. top down, driving down a coastal road.

My hair has about 6 more inches to 8 more inches of growth before I'm done. So that's about a year. Half an inch a month. it's already passed my shoulder blades. Got to keep going! And then I'll feel more confident. I've always had a problem with my hair. It's usually boy short, dry, awful, awful. I can finally have a shower and just leave the house. No product, no blow dryer. It just dries, frizz free. Which has been a blessing. Who said short hair was low maintenance?! They lie!

Come on spring/summer. Need to get the tan going again. Got to work harder on physical fitness. Shrink my arms down a bit and the upper hips. Nothing any lower or I'm going to look like a boy again. I finally have fat in the right places to make some shape. Just have to strengthen the core a bit more.

2012 will be the year to remember, I think. Or at least a stepping stone to 2013. 2011 was the primer to 2012. Now let's see some colour this year. 2011 was when I worked on my internal issues, this year it will be the external issues.

Also, note to self, work on african drumming more this year. Attend more classes! Buy my own drum.

AND, not buy a single thing online for 6 months. Seriously. Since the end of december, not a single damn thing so far. I received my last shipment a couple of weeks ago and I'm, for the first time in a long time, not expecting anything in the mail. Except bills. Which I'm finally going to pay this year. Work on fixing my credit so I can get that jeep. Shit, I also have to drive to Golden, BC in July. I had better get my ass in gear NOW.

OH, but that might be a little harder now that I'm unemployed. Finally left the business. I've had enough of the garbage. I wasn't getting paid half the time anyways. And within 12 hours, I have had 2 possible job leads. It's good to know people in a small town. Or at least have a real respect from the right kind of people. I'm rooting for the atco plant job. I'm really, really hoping for it. The pay is fantastic, the hours will be perfect and it leaves my entire day to be used at my own desire. Met with the boss today, see what happens from here on in. /crosses fingers.

Take each day as it comes. I just have to keep remembering that tomorrow isn't today, that today is just a day and yesterday was what it was.

=/

Going to look for the material to make my dress in a couple of weeks. Finally figured out what style would be easiest to sew for my cousins wedding. And now I need to find material that will be able to handle the humidity and heat in Virginia. It's going to be incredibly sweaty. Might as well find a doctor who can remove all of my sweat glands. Hot and sticky!

I also need to get my passport. Completely forgot. How the hell else am I getting into the states?!
Add that to my list of things to do. Going to have to make sure the dress is done by July. That way I can wear it to the wedding then as well. What a year this will be.

It's times like this where I really wish I had gotten all of my tattoos in more discreet places. They clash with every dress I have ever tried on. Shit, I forgot about that, too! If I'm going to the states, time to get into bathing suit mode. [start planning THAT now]. The beach. I think that this will be a wonderful little vacation. I'll be going in on my own and that way I can do my own thing. Maybe spend several days solely in the water. I miss the ocean.

With everyone getting married this year, I wouldn't be surprised if my parents followed suit. Might as well plan for a third one. Maybe make two dresses, just different material. /deep breaths.

what the hell am I doing.

I just need to remember that a day is just a day. Take it as it comes. There will always be another day. There are days all year. /sigh

no really, what the hell am I doing.

wdfgb

The books have come in. Now THAT I was excited for. Did a little dance all the way home. 6 books total. 5 instructional text books and the third Fathom volume.

All of which have made me draw out a more concrete plan for the GN.
So I have a couple of goals:

-to be about 11 chapters. Thicker chapters.
-to be about 400 pages long. Full 8.5 x 11 size.
-a year to complete. By the time my calender ends, I hope that I have something tangible to show.

I feel as though my skills in anatomy drawing are increasing yet my skills with colour are decreasing. I have no idea how to use colour. This will prove to be my biggest feat.

2011 was the year for growth, for me to discover who I was and what I wanted to do with that information.
2012 is now the year for production. Not only do I have to 75% finish my house but to get a kick on this project. I hope to also figure out my career status. There are 2 weddings to go to [one out of country] on top of all that. I really hope that this is not the year when a man decides to stroll in. Because I just don't have the time. Or the emotional space to invest. I'm all out.

I just have to remember that the couch is the couch, and over thinking could sing me to disappointment. I just need to be confident in what I'm doing. Repetition might be the key to this one...

I just ate a ltre of ice cream. Not a word of a lie. My head is cold, my throat is cold, my everything is cold. Do I regret? no.


I have chapters 1 and 2 done up for a story line, and I think I'm going to start the sketch board and go from there before I hit any more chapters. I'm noticing that there is a lot of confusing following what I'm doing. No, I'm not a writer and that isn't what this is about. Each page is full colour art with word bubbles. And that's that. So for those who are trying to piss in my corn flakes about this whole thing, you can cut it out.

I realized that I have zero space to draw out panels that are up to 2.5 feet wide. So I'm in the process of nailing together a drawing table. That drawing table is just two metal frames with an old wooden door propped on an angle atop and bolted on. Eh voila! Seriously, I think I might love this thing more than a table purchased from a store. Hmm....

the war bringer

I wish that I had a gift for writing. I really do, it would make this so much easier. I've begun the very slow process of developing a graphic novel. [A comic book turned comic novel] Though the term 'comic' has always been a loose word, they adapted 'graphic' instead. I guess they felt it encompassed a wider variety of styles. The graphic novel is now considered appropriate reading material in schools whereas in the past, it was considered a joke. It's a full fledged book only the story is being told as the characters speak with the occasional descriptive side paragraph. Each page is images that help tell the story. This is, of course, my understanding of it all.

You have to be a writer in order to create a GN opposed to just having a general character structure [and that's it for the most part] for a comic book. A writer, which I am not, who has the creative genius to capture the reader's mind and heart. Most graphic novels have 2 or 3 participants in the creation process, one for the writing, one for the layout and one for the artistic aspect. Sometimes a few artists collaborate together for the artistic aspect.

My problem, err one of them, is that I create obsessions for myself. In this case, creating fictional humans, which has become my day and night. They have personalities, likes/dislikes, histories, memories, futures, aspirations, physical traits that are distinctive to their environment, etc. What have I gotten myself into?!

The title is "the War Bringer".

HOUSE

[update: budgets]

I figured I may as well start to showcase the money going towards the house and the budgets allocated towards the levels/exterior.

Main floor
$10, 000.00 - $12, 000.00 - the big costs are the appliances: dishwasher, fridge, stove, washer/dryer. I don't have any. ANY. As well as the cabinets. This includes the tile, floor restoration, drywall/insull, front door/back door, 2 sinks, 2 faucets, plumbing and electrical and the other [mudding, paint etc]

Second floor
$5000.00 - $6500.00 - this includes the bathroom complete redo, floor restoration, drywall/insull, other mudding, paint etc, electrical, plumbing, stair case restoration, staircase railing,

Exterior
$8000.00 - windows, tin roof, vinyl siding, fence, gravel for the driveway.

So for my entire house [and I've priced a lot of it out already] I want to keep it $25, 000.00 or less. I have a book that I've been writing in for all of the costs so I can actually calculate the exact amount spent. So far I'm at about $200.00. Hahaha. Oh boy.

Hm.

What am I looking at? A wall. At least it's a purple wall. The only wall I had painted is now coming down. I'm going to make the best out of this place. My main floor has a lot of work to do but it's not expensive. When it comes down to appliances and fixtures, that's where my budget gets stretched. The ghost budget. For now, I'm going to make the upstairs a more comfortable space so I have at least somewhat of a home to come to.

I've torn down a main wall and now I'm about to tear down a second wall, making the upstairs a 1 bedroom opposed to a 3 bedroom. Why? So I have have a living area with my couch and tv. It will reduce the pressure to get the main floor done so I can go my own pace. I don't think that I'll have an actual house until next year and that bums me out. It would go A LOT quicker if I had the money but I'm sans $10, 000.00.

SO I will make it work by paying my own way and in the end, I'll be prouder. I hope. I honestly don't think I'd give two shits if I came up with the money in short spurts or if I got it all at once and then paid it off. The end result is what matters. I just wish I had started this project in the spring instead. But here I am, winter is looming. It's times like these where I wish I had a grandmother who wanted to be a part of this by aiding in the cost of the renos. Wouldn't that be nice?

I had a pretty interesting dream this morning... I almost wonder if it was prophetic... I sure as fuck hope so.