rather blue.

I'm in quite the funk this evening. Not sure why or where it came from but it seems to have ridden in on a godly horse. Very rarely do I ever seek any comfort for companionship. I think it's because I enjoy my own routine and myself in general.

I'm single right now on purpose. I have had opportunities but I felt that it was important for me to establish my own identity and self worth before I have any business being with someone else. Yet all it took today was a single picture. A friend of mine and his girlfriend. Simple, classic shot, he's standing behind her and she's under his arms. Now, that isn't what got to me. I see that all the time, everywhere I go. It's when I looked closer that I noticed a small, intimate connection they made with their fingers wound together slightly. It's hard to see but it's there. Most of the time, couples getting their photo taken on a spontaneous basis never have the clarity for such a gesture. Unless of course it was a natural reaction due to their love of physical contact with one another. AND THAT is where it got under my skin. I miss that. I miss that undecided hand grasp and the casual glances.

Of course the "missing" will go away. This is the first time in nearly half a year that the missing has shown its gnarly face. I've been doing really well on this strike. The biggest thing that I've learned since venturing down the road of self love is how to dissect attraction. What is in the heart and what is purely lust. I figure it's an important skill to have when you're a single young woman in her twenties, it just helps prevent bad relationships from taking a year or so of your life when that could be spent developing yourself as a person or falling in love with that man meant to take your heart. I'm not in a desperate need for companionship right now to let a guy walk into my life and consume a chunk of it with 80% sex, 3% understanding, 0.5 % passion and 16.5% crying. Doesn't mean I wont let it happen in the future but where it stands now, I have to be stronger than that.

On a renovation note: It looks like I'll be tearing down every wall upstairs. Except the bathroom but yeah. Tear down 5 walls, and put 2 back up. It'll be worth checking out on FB.