An ode to wtf.

As of late, I have been face to face with myself. All of myself. It all started with contacts. [to avoid eye wrinkles, one must wear sunglasses during sun exposure] and that's what I decided to do. But of course, with myself wearing high prescription glasses, I can't just clip on some good ol' shades. [tacky with my style of glasses] and I can't just order a pair of prescription shades. [I did try that, however... but the lens was so thick, I felt trapt in the 60's!] so I went down the road to glassesless living. I ordered contacts last week and I await their arrival.
NOW, I had no idea what problem this would cause until I took off my glasses and stared into a mirror. I couldn't see anything. I realized that for the past 23 years, I haven't seen myself. [as a child doesn't count.] I had/have no idea what I look like. So I stepped closer to the mirror, see if I can't get a better perspective on things... the only thing in focus was my nose. If I stepped any closer, it would just get really dark. /sigh.
So I took a picture of myself. Several. Different angles, different light. Hair up, hair down. Make up, no make up. And not since I was a teenager have I felt so lost. Who was I looking at? What was I looking at, more importantly. My eyes are tiny, my forehead is huge, my nose curves like a beak- all of this on a very long face. When you wear glasses, it hides your nose and divides your face so it appears more proportioned. It also magnifies your eyes so they look bigger. Bangs cover the forehead but still! What do I do with this?! Do I wear sunglasses ALL day?
If I feel this way about my open face, then I'm sure everyone else who is equally not used to it will feel the same. I would almost have to start a new page around people who have never seen me WITH glasses. It feels like a huge step backwards. Like all the hard work I have put in to building up my current level of self confidence has been erased. [A nose job actually sounds appealing at this point]
I have to man up and use the cards I've been dealt. I can't wear glasses for forever. So I'll focus on the reasons why I HATE spec's.
Number 1: I'd like to see in the shower for once. See what it is that I'm doing when it comes to shaving. Or [wink wink] see what it is that I'm looking at should there be a fine specimen sharing the water.
Number 2: Who wears glasses during sex? You make out, "hold on, hold on" [gracefully find a place to SAFELY put your glasses] "okay, where were we?". Not hot. Not to mention the blindness and lack of seeing the fine specimen who is naked with you. [OH, and should you put them in an UNSAFE place? Sweet jesus. Costly replacement.]
Number 3: At the beach, at a pool, in a hot tub, it doesn't matter. I want to see the fine specimens walking about god damn it! I want to see if I'm being checked out. I want to see the guy across the pool [wishfully] taking glances my way. Instead, I'm completely oblivious and I wind up swimming into people.
Number 4: Hot water. My glasses fog up. Not hot. "here, let me open the dishwasher." -SHIT SHIT- "Can't see!"
Number 5: Cold weather. I'm freezing my ass off outside, I then make my way into a warm building and/or vehicle. My glasses fog up. Not hot. And of course, I then gracefully try to wipe the fogging away only to smear my glasses making it virtually impossible to see.
Number 6: Glasses are expensive to replace. And you usually can't do that IMMEDIATELY after breaking them. So you get to wander around blind for hours. Or DAYS.
Number 7, 8 and 9: A delicious man decides to throw me upside down. My glasses fall off. I'm blind. Not hot. I lay down, my glasses slide into my eye lashes. Extremely uncomfortable. I'm working out, all sweaty and my glasses continue to slide down my nose.
Number 10: They're a safety hazard. Should I get into a car accident and the air bags deploy, they push the glass right into my eyes. Causing more damage than not. Should I be walking down a dark alley and I get beat down, my glasses break. I can't see a fucking thing so my chance for escaping = 0%. Which then brings me to the topic of fights. I can't partake in fisticuffs. I get punched in the face. Immediate blindness. Costly replacement.
So, however stylish glasses may be, there is little to no good things about em'. I'm willing to take this next step into self esteem establishment if it means I no longer have to deal with the aforementioned bullshit.
So, I'm going to get my full bangs back, always remember to put on mascara, make sure to avoid bags underneath and I'll be well on my way to recovery.
Now, this entire topic probably wouldn't have hit me so hard had it happened 3 months ago. During my broken leg cast experience, I was forced to sit alone with myself more than usual. During which I discovered that I had no business being in a relationship with another individual until I liked being in a relationship with myself.
So I decided to cut sex completely out of the equation and take on a slower pace of life. Why did the sex go? Well, it's easier, for me, to start ripping clothes off and get down to the dirty rather than have to listen to the person talk. It was easier than having to get to know the guy. Which made me realize that I didn't have any intentions on getting to know them in the first place, I just wanted to get laid. And how long can that keep going for? You wonder why I've always wound up in the same shitty commitments over and over again. No more!
It was like a light bulb went off. So I took a vow of abstinence. I will not engage in sexual mishaps for as long as I can hold out. During which, I hope to build some self control. Hope being the operative word. I'm into my third month. I'm doing pretty good.

Bring on the summer!

I apologize for this gigantic rambling. I think I wrote it all more for myself than for anyone else. It's easier to understand something when you can physically see it in words.

Cheers!